Life is a bitch.

There are way too many of them for me right now. I need to remember what I need to do to get what I want and throw away all those distractions, all those people who are pulling me away from my goals. My life is sort of like everybody's agenda for school. We all have them for a few weeks, then we get lazy and eventually, don't care about school anymore because it's too hard. That's how I am right now. In the beginning, I told myself nothing would stop me from being dedicated and determined. It's only been 5 weeks into the school year and I have already failed.

On Friday, I went to Russell for the first time in 2 years. I miss that place. I miss being carefree, I miss the years where I actually had dreams and aspirations of what I wanted to achieve in life. Then, high school came and reality hit me. Now I realize that a lot of the things I want are impossible for me to get and I just have to learn to live with what I can get. I wish I had someone who would always look out for me, someone I know who would have my back no matter what. Everyone seems to have someone like that, except me.

Reliability

That is what I look for in a friend. I guess that's why I don't have many close friends cause once you let them in, who knows if they're going to just leave you when the times get tough or when you need them the most. I'm sure everyone has those friends: they're there for you when everything's going good, but once something goes wrong, they're gone. A lot of people are like that today, but this girl named Meera Narayanan is not one of them. She once asked me how I would describe her and I couldn't find the word for it. But today, I realized loyal or reliable is how I would describe her. She has always been there for me for the past three years like no one else. A lot of people have come and gone, but she has always been there. When I talk to her, I feel a lot better and life seems so much easier. I've felt like I had to try to be close to people before, but never with her, because I know she'll always be there for me, even if we do end up drifting apart. Meera knows me better than I know myself and despite having a big mouth in 8th grade, she has gotten a lot better and I trust her with everything now. Junior year is starting to get tougher and tougher, but I know I'll have a friend to help me get through it. Thank you for always being there for me.

Stress

Today, I had thoughts of hitting a female senior citizen. If I stay in Feige's class for an entire year, those thoughts might turn into actions. I swear, she is the worst teacher in the world, I mean who gives a class 2 freaking minutes to do a test?! I guess I can't complain, I mean at least we barely do any work. I don't like it when two entirely separate groups of people get together. It's like oil mixing with water. Clog rush was today, I think I'm going to join Key Club this year and actually go to more than one meeting haha. Junior year is starting to get really hard. All those AP classes are beginning to stress all of us out and I'm starting to have doubts whether I'll be able to handle it. I need some inspiration, something to motivate me to stop being so lazy and actually start working hard. I've been complaining recently about how I'm most likely not going to make it into the colleges I want to, but now it's time for me to stop complaining and start fighting for what I want. That's true for a lot of things right now, not just academics. I have to start fighting, instead of waiting for things to be given to me, cause at this point, that's not going to happen.

Vy, it's okay that Ms. Romero thought your drillsheet had too much space. You know why? Cause I say it didn't and that's all that matters right? Haha jk, but feel better though, there's always tomorrow and the next day.

Ashley, I really hope you're feeling better and that you don't have the swine flu. But even if you do, I'll still sit next to you in Precal haha. Good luck with your tennis game and chem test!

What a waste of a day

I hate when you make hella plans for the weekend and you think it's going to be really fun, and you're going to be out the whole 3 days. And you end up staying at home doing nothing. I also hate when teachers give out homework on the weekends of things they haven't even taught. Wtf. Today was a really frustating day, as you can tell. Actually, this whole weekend was frustrating. I also hate when people say "I'll call you back" when they really have no intention of doing so. Why don't you just say something else then? I don't understand how people can hate each other, then the next day be best friends. I don't know, I guess I just hold grudges against people.I hate that there are so many things I want to say, good and bad, but I just can't. There are so many things I want to tell so many people, but I know they won't be able to handle it. Today made me realize a lot of things about myself and a lot of people. I guess that's what happens when you stay at home, doing homework all day long on a holiday. One thing I realized was I really want to know what people say about me behind my back. I know everyone gets shit talked about them, even by their closest friends. Maybe this is just me, maybe I just don't trust people. I think it would have been a better day if we actually had school. Eh, whatever. Hopefully this next week will be a lot better than last week.

Random Day

School is alright, a lot of interesting things happening though. I think this year is going to be a lot better than last year. It was cold today, I'm starting to dread winter. I can't function in the cold. Football game was fun yesterday. I'm surprised our team was that good. Or maybe North Salinas just wasn't as great as everyone made them sound. They were some bigass white guys though haha.

Really bored today, just watched random, boring college football games till like 4. I fell asleep, and woke up to Victoria, Vy, and Ashley at the door. They brought me milk tea haha! Thanks, even though it was the cheap $1 one and all you guys had tapioca haha, jk! Glad they came over, we had a very interesting and good, looong talk. Haha I'm not a blabbermouth and wtf is a leprochaun?!

-I'm glad we're friends again after all that time. Hopefully I don't do anything stupid this time to mess it up.
-You need to open your eyes and stop thinking about yourself.
-I would describe you as a bitch, too. But you're a dependable, caring bitch :) You're also a great friend.