No School Today

And what do I do? Stay at home and study all day -_- I'm seriously starting to regret taking all these ap/honors classes because they're really starting to stress me out. I'm starting to feel like giving up and we're only halfway through the first semester. It's just too much, being reminded that this is the year that determines your entire life. I remember in the beginning of the school year how determined I was to get good grades and study for the SAT's and everything. But now, I just feel that it's useless, that no matter how hard I try, it's just going to set me up for an even bigger disappointment. I need to find that motivation again. The stress is getting to me so bad, I'm not acting like me anymore. I've been snapping at people, just being a jerk in general. I feel really bad for taking it out on the people who care about me. I owe all of you an apology.

Cooooold!

Today was cold and sunny again! I hate this bipolar weather, I wish it would choose hot or cold and stick with it. Today I realized that I’m extremely close to a lot of girls, like close enough for them to tell you stuff no guy should ever hear in his life haha. But it’s all good, I still love them. So afterschool, I did behind the wheel training again, but the Indian guy who did it this time was cool, he let me only do 45 minutes lol. Today was a good day, really tired though.

I know we haven’t been close for a loong time, but now we are and I hope you know I still care about you a lot. You’re like a sister to me and it really hurt me, seeing you that sad. I hope you know I care about you a lot and if you ever need anything I will always be here for you, no matter what. I wish there was some way for me to make you feel better.

Football game tomorrow! We better beat Wilcox this year. And, Halloween on Saturday. This weekend is going to be fun.

Cooooold

it was today. I HATE this weather with a passion. I wish I were a bear so I could hibernate all through winter and wake up and have it be spring again. But noo, I have to drag myself out of bed in this freezing weather and try to stay awake in Feige's class. I swear, my room is like a freezer. I can see my freaking breath in the morning, wth. So I was a little cranky this morning cause it's Monday morning and the 49ers lost -_- But my day got progressively better because I now sit next to my beeeest friend Vicky in History, and I got a note from my sister Vy! Homecoming dance is in five days and I still need slacks and a tie. I don't know what I'm going to do haha. I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited though! I'm finally trying something new. Maybe I'll try a new sport this year, like badminton or something, too.

"Start appreciating the little things, and you will live a happy life."

Cousins

I wish I had more of them. But the few that I have are the best. I'm finally getting closer to them again, and I'm glad. Last night, Denise and I were scaring the shit outta ourselves by watching the preview and reading about that one movie, Paranormal Activity. Looks scary and I know I'll probably not be able to sleep or shower for a few months after, but I'm so freaking curious haha. Too bad the tickets were all sold out. Then tonight, my parents and aunts were telling stories of all the ghosts they seen during their childhood in Asia. Pretty creepy shit.

Anyways, I decided at the beginning of freshman year that I wouldn't be scared of trying new things and I would experience everything high school has to offer. Two years have passed and I still haven't done a lot of things, for example, go to a dance. So I think it's time for me to stop being lazy and boring and enjoy my high school career before it's too late.

Life is a bitch.

There are way too many of them for me right now. I need to remember what I need to do to get what I want and throw away all those distractions, all those people who are pulling me away from my goals. My life is sort of like everybody's agenda for school. We all have them for a few weeks, then we get lazy and eventually, don't care about school anymore because it's too hard. That's how I am right now. In the beginning, I told myself nothing would stop me from being dedicated and determined. It's only been 5 weeks into the school year and I have already failed.

On Friday, I went to Russell for the first time in 2 years. I miss that place. I miss being carefree, I miss the years where I actually had dreams and aspirations of what I wanted to achieve in life. Then, high school came and reality hit me. Now I realize that a lot of the things I want are impossible for me to get and I just have to learn to live with what I can get. I wish I had someone who would always look out for me, someone I know who would have my back no matter what. Everyone seems to have someone like that, except me.

Reliability

That is what I look for in a friend. I guess that's why I don't have many close friends cause once you let them in, who knows if they're going to just leave you when the times get tough or when you need them the most. I'm sure everyone has those friends: they're there for you when everything's going good, but once something goes wrong, they're gone. A lot of people are like that today, but this girl named Meera Narayanan is not one of them. She once asked me how I would describe her and I couldn't find the word for it. But today, I realized loyal or reliable is how I would describe her. She has always been there for me for the past three years like no one else. A lot of people have come and gone, but she has always been there. When I talk to her, I feel a lot better and life seems so much easier. I've felt like I had to try to be close to people before, but never with her, because I know she'll always be there for me, even if we do end up drifting apart. Meera knows me better than I know myself and despite having a big mouth in 8th grade, she has gotten a lot better and I trust her with everything now. Junior year is starting to get tougher and tougher, but I know I'll have a friend to help me get through it. Thank you for always being there for me.

Stress

Today, I had thoughts of hitting a female senior citizen. If I stay in Feige's class for an entire year, those thoughts might turn into actions. I swear, she is the worst teacher in the world, I mean who gives a class 2 freaking minutes to do a test?! I guess I can't complain, I mean at least we barely do any work. I don't like it when two entirely separate groups of people get together. It's like oil mixing with water. Clog rush was today, I think I'm going to join Key Club this year and actually go to more than one meeting haha. Junior year is starting to get really hard. All those AP classes are beginning to stress all of us out and I'm starting to have doubts whether I'll be able to handle it. I need some inspiration, something to motivate me to stop being so lazy and actually start working hard. I've been complaining recently about how I'm most likely not going to make it into the colleges I want to, but now it's time for me to stop complaining and start fighting for what I want. That's true for a lot of things right now, not just academics. I have to start fighting, instead of waiting for things to be given to me, cause at this point, that's not going to happen.

Vy, it's okay that Ms. Romero thought your drillsheet had too much space. You know why? Cause I say it didn't and that's all that matters right? Haha jk, but feel better though, there's always tomorrow and the next day.

Ashley, I really hope you're feeling better and that you don't have the swine flu. But even if you do, I'll still sit next to you in Precal haha. Good luck with your tennis game and chem test!